Thursday, May 4, 2017

A Miscarriage

Before Chase, I had another baby. I was pregnant and miscarried. The baby wasn't planned but so welcomed. Losing that baby was one of the toughest things I've gone through, not only in the physical pain of miscarrying but in the raw, awful emotional pain. 

I haven't talked about it in this space because it is so personal. But a friend came to me two days ago, in the midst of her own miscarriage, seeking advice. It ripped at my heart. Not because of my loss but because I so wish no one I know had to have this experience. It's the sisterhood you never wanted to join.

The only advice I could offer was to grieve and allow yourself to cry. You've lost a baby. It's tough because not everyone knows that. You feel like your body failed. And yes, you might have another baby. But you'll have always lost that one. Find a way to celebrate that little life.

I also sought out a therapist afterwards. My pain was so great I wanted to process it. I didn't find a therapist that was the right fit and then, a short while later, I was pregnant with Chase. My pain diminished with a new pregnancy. That's me though and wouldn't be the case for everyone. I'm a huge believer in therapy if you need it.

Your partner might not have the same sense of loss. Remember it's your body doing this so your void might be stronger. You've got the cramps and pain, such a physical reminder of your loss.

And, if you're in the process of miscarrying now, be as kind to yourself as you can be. Talk to someone. Treat yourself to a manicure. Watch Law and Order all day long. Do whatever feels good to you. I'm so very sorry you're experiencing this.

I will say it was a true bring-tears-to-my-eyes honor that my friend came to me. My heart breaks for her. I hope I was able to help on some level. And I hope my sharing might help a few others over time. You aren't alone. And I'm sending love your way.

1 comment:

Robyn said...

I'm sorry that you had to go through that Stacy. By just posting his story today I am sure you have made others feel as they are not alone. (((Hugs)))